Caregivers Need Care Too
Sharon and Bill Conley at a Duke Cancer Institute health education event
When Sharon Conley attended an educational event for cancer survivors, she saw many people like herself in the room who were there to support a husband, wife, parent, or friend. Conley thought, “I really hope these caregivers are getting support for themselves too.”
Connecting With Others in Similar Situations
Today, Conley participates in a cancer caregiver support group hosted by Duke Cancer Institute’s Cancer Patient Support Program. Patrick Plumeri, MS LMFT, a medical family therapist, hosts the virtual meeting every third Thursday from 6:00 pm to 7:00 pm.
But back in 2012, when her husband was first diagnosed with prostate cancer, Conley didn’t know anyone going through the same thing. “It was so hard, and I got depressed,” she said.
Many people join the group to find others who understand their situation. “Caregiving can be incredibly complicated, draining, and even somewhat isolating," said Plumeri. "Sometimes just feeling like ‘someone else knows what I'm going through,’ can provide much-needed comfort. Feeling that empathy can be very special.”
A Safe Space to Listen
The group is also a safe place to listen to what others are experiencing and how they are coping. “We encourage people to share their names, how long they have been providing care, and what type of cancer their loved ones have," Plumeri said. "But even that information is not mandatory. It is fine to just listen until you feel comfortable sharing.”
Topics typically include the unpredictability of cancer, effective communication with loved ones, and ways for caregivers to take good care of their own physical and emotional well-being. “We also talk about ways to maintain your important relationships during this busy and difficult time,” he said.
Before joining the virtual group, Conley had participated in a group at her church, although it was not specifically focused on caregiving for people with cancer. And she had the support of a niece and two children.
Still, she found that getting to know other caregivers contributed significantly to her resilience. “It really does help to talk about this,” she said. “And it’s nice to not have to go in person.”
The Caregivers Support Group has been cost-free since it started 10 years ago. Like all Duke Cancer Patient Support Program support groups, it relies on large and small donations to cover its expenses.
