Am I Still a Sister?

by Alicia M. Sims

$5.00 (plus $2.00 shipping and handling) in paperback

Big A & Company

106 Constellation, Slidell, LA 70458

1986, ISBN 0-9618995-0-6

This is a book of letters that a young girl, Alicia, wrote to her brother, Austin. Austin died of brain cancer when he was very young. Alicia explores some questions that young children may have for a dead sibling -- such as, "Wonder what you would look like in braces?", "Were you ever jealous of me...I lived and you didn’t?", and most importantly, "Am I still a sister?" Alicia explores the answers to these questions in her letters. As she grows older, she confronts her feelings of anger, jealousy and pain over the attention that her brother received before he died. Alicia thinks his death was her fault because she sometimes wished that he would disappear forever. As she matures, she realizes that it was not her wish; rather if was a more powerful force that caused her brother to die. Her final letter shows her mature realization. Although she grew up without a brother, he was a large part of her. She is a sister and will always be a sister!

This book is appropriate for children, ages eight to 18, whose sibling has died. It may be difficult for younger children to read on their own. The book addresses a range of questions that children of all ages have after the death of a sibling. The young girl talks briefly about heaven. The book takes about 20 to 30 minutes to read.

Everett Anderson’s Goodbye

by Lucille Clifton

$5.95 in paperback

Henry Holt and Company, Inc.

115 West 18th Street, New York, NY 10011

1993, ISBN 0-8050-0800-4

This is a short story written in poetry form. In the book, Everett expresses his grief over his father’s death. He says that he will do anything that his mother asks him, if only his father will come back. Eventually, he realizes that his sadness cannot bring his father back. Then he decides that with death love does not stop. He will remember his father as he goes on with his life.

This book is appropriate for children facing the loss of a parent or relative. It takes about two to three minutes to read; the book contains beautiful illustrations. Children, ages six to 11, will benefit from this book.

Forever in My Heart

by Jennifer Levine

Mountain Rainbow Publications, Div. of Rainbow Connection

477 Hannah Branch Rd., Surnsville, NC 28714

1992, ISBN 1-878321-08-4

This is a story about a young girl, Missy, and her dog, Rufus. Missy’s mom is dying. Rufus tells how he had a sister and she died. He had many questions -- why did she die, does it hurt, why do we have funerals, etc. The book examines these questions by asking the child their feelings. Rufus tells us it helps to talk to others and you should too. People die, but love lives forever.

This book is appropriate for children of all ages -- especially children six to 12 -- cope with emotional stress when a parent is terminally ill. The younger child creates a level of safety, and the older child is invited to discuss their feelings. This book allows you to help them find people and places that offer continuity. The story helps children participate in life as the parent dies.

Geranium Morning

by E. Sandy Powell

Carolrhoda Books, Inc.

Minneapolis, MN

1990, ISBN 0-87614-380-X

This is an illustrated story about Timothy, who has just found out about his father’s death in a car accident. The sudden death of his father causes Timothy a lot of pain. He is unable to deal with his feelings of guilt for not going out with his father that morning. Each year, Timothy and his father go to a greenhouse to choose their geraniums for the year. However, this year Timothy pretends to be asleep, so that he does not have to wait around for his father to choose the plants. After his father’s death, Timothy is unable to do anything that reminds him of that Saturday morning. No one but a young girl by the name of Frannie can understand. Frannie’s mother has cancer. She approaches Timothy, thinking that he will understand her grief. He quickly turns her away; he’s scared of her mother’s illness. Then he realizes that she is the only person that he can talk to, so they become close friends. They spend all of their time together until Frannie’s mother dies. The day that Frannie’s mother dies, Timothy quickly rushes to her house and stays with her until the day is over. During the following weeks, the two friends stay together to help each other through the rough times. Finally, Timothy gets up the courage to return with Frannie to pick up his father’s geraniums.

This book is appropriate for younger children whose parent or relative has died -- not only from cancer but any other disease or accident. The book takes about five to 10 minutes to read. Children, ages seven to 12, can read the book by themselves.

Gran-Gran’s Best Trick: A Story for Children Who Have Lost Someone They Love

by Dwight Holden, M.D.

$8.95 in paperback

For a brochure contact: Magination Press

19 Union Square West, 8th Floor, New York, NY 10003

Phone: 212-924-3344

1989, ISBN 0-9453354-16-9

This is a story about a small girl whose grandfather, Gran-Gran, has cancer. At first, she denies that her Gran-Gran is dying. She slowly accepts that he is dying. She has so many questions; yet she is hesitant to ask them because she is afraid of the answers. However, she has many fond memories of her grandfather that she holds dear. After his death, she realizes that she must keep all of these memories alive. She does this by sharing her memories with her little sister, Elizabeth. Elizabeth was too young to know her grandfather at the time of his death. At the end of the story, she realizes that she will not remember her Gran-Gran as a sick and dying person. Rather she remembers him as her Gran-Gran, who taught her to see things that nobody else noticed as he did.

This book is appropriate for children of all ages. A parent or another adult should either read the book to or with the child because the book may raise questions that it does not answer. Children, ages six to 13, who have a loved one that is dying, will benefit from this book. It takes about 10 to 15 minutes to read the book.

How It Feels When a Parent Dies

by Jill Krementz

$12.95

Alfred A. Knopf, Inc.

New York, NY

1981, ISBN 0-394-51911-6

This is a book by 18 children from seven to 16 years old. Each child tells of their feelings and experiences when either a mother or a father died. As each child tells their story, you see photographs of them with the surviving parent, their siblings, their pets, in their everyday lives. These personal stories will help other children who have lost a parent know that others have felt the same pain, anger, confusion and guilt -- and also lets them know that these feelings are normal. The children tell you about learning of a parent’s death, about the funeral and cemetery, about the way relatives, friends and schoolmates react, and about remembering and forgetting.

This book is appropriate for older children, ages seven and up. It takes about two hours to read. However, each child’s story could be read separately. The book shows children that it is normal to feel anger, guilt, confusion and pain when a parent dies. The surviving parent should read the book with the child; however, an older child can read it alone. There are many types of parental deaths related in the book -- from sickness to accidents, and including suicide.

Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children

by Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen

Bantam Books, Div. Bantam Doubleday Dell Pub. Group, Inc.

1540 Broadway, New York, NY 10036

1981, ISBN 0-553-34402-1

This is a book that explains life and death by describing beginnings, endings and about living in between. There are wonderful illustrations that tell about plants, animals and people, and that dying is as much a part of living as being born. All living things have their own special Lifetimes.

This book is appropriate for young children, under school age. It takes only a few minutes to read to the child. The book shows children that death is a part of living and can be used to open discussions with the child about dying.

Love, Mark

by Mark Scrivani

Hope for Bereaved

1342 Lancaster Avenue, Syracuse, NY 13210

1990, ISBN

This book is a series of letters written for a children’s bereavement group. The letters cover topics that the group discussed over the length of their grief period together. The children met once a month to talk and learn about grief and the feelings they had when someone they loved died. A new letter was written every month to help the children between the meetings. The children learn in their journey of grief that it is ok to feel sad, angry, confused, and happy at times.

This book is appropriate for all children -- to read alone, or with a friend, or with the family to help each other understand their grief and to love better. The book covers the range of emotions that the children feel over the year. The letters cover topics such as the holidays and life after death.

Love, Mark II

by Mark Scrivani

Hope for Bereaved

1342 Lancaster Avenue, Syracuse, NY 13210

1990, ISBN

This is the second book by Mark Scrivani; it is a series of letters written for a children’s bereavement group. This book covers some of the same topics of the first book, but expands on other topics. The letters cover topics that the group discussed over the length of their grief period together. The children met once a month to talk and learn about grief and the feelings they had when someone they loved died. A new letter was written every month to help the children between the meetings. The children learn in their journey of grief that it is ok to feel sad, angry, confused, and happy at times.

This book is appropriate for all children -- to read alone, or with a friend, or with the family to help each other understand their grief and to love better. The book covers the range of emotions that the children feel over the year. The letters cover topics such as the holidays and life after death.

Remember the Secret

by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

$8.95 in paperback

Celestial Arts

P.O. Box 7327, Berkeley, CA 90707

1982, ISBN 0-89087-524-3

This is a story about the peace, happiness and painlessness of death as seen through the eyes of one woman. The Christian book begins with two children, Peter and Suzy, playing together. Suzy’s father has just died. Suzy and Peter have two "special" friends, Theresa and Willy. However, only the two of them know about and understand these friends. One night while Peter and Suzy are asleep, they rise up from their beds to fly with Theresa and Willy. They hear beautiful voices and see beautiful colors in the new land. There are many different people there; no one is arguing or being selfish. Theresa and Willy talk about the miracle of God -- how the angels find a place in the world where they felt that they can make the world better. The angels then take this work of good deeds back to God. Theresa and Willy tell the children to act as everyone in this new world acts -- not to criticize or to judge. The children then return to their bedrooms. Soon Peter becomes sick. Suzy tells him that he will be with Theresa and Willy. She is sad when she visits him at his house. Yet at the funeral, she is happy when she thinks about all the times that she, Peter, Theresa, and Willy spent together. She hears him calling, and she replies, "I’ll remember!"

This book is appropriate for young children, ages six to 12, whose parents would like them to see a beautiful, peaceful view of death. For children who have lost a loved one, this book shows them how to see death in a different light. They will find comfort when a very sick loved one dies. It presents a view of death that includes a heavenly life after death. Two concerns of reviewers are: 1) if this story is read to a young child after a parent’s death, it may increase fears that they or a friend will also get sick and die soon, and 2) rarely, a child will be so depressed after a parent’s death that they may consider suicide. The view of a beautiful existence after death and reuniting with the lost parent needs to be balanced with the many positive reasons to continue living including perpetuating the memory and values left by the person who died.

Sad But O.K. My Daddy Died Today

by Barbara Frisbie Juneau

$9.95 in paperback

Blue Dolphin Publishing, Inc.

P.O. Box 1908, Nevada City, CA 95959

1988, ISBN 0-931892-19-8

This is a touching story written by the wife of a man with a malignant brain tumor; she is also the mother of three children. She takes the reader through the discovery of the tumor, the surgery, the treatments, and the man’s inevitable death. She shares the feelings of her young daughters and makes sure to involve them in all of the events surrounding the funeral. She leaves nothing out of their lives either during or after the death of her husband. She includes all of the Christmas cards that she sent out during those rough years. Also, she includes the note written by her daughter, Karin, that is the title of the book. This is a very intimate book; it will help families going through the loss of a loved one to cancer.

This book is appropriate for any children and their parents who are suffering the loss of a loved one. It takes about 1.5 hours to read.

Saying Goodbye Activity Book

by Jim Boulden

P.O. Box 9358, Santa Rosa, CA 95405

Phone: 916-623-5399

1989, ISBN 1-878076-00-0

This is book that asks your child to draw pictures and write responses to questions to indicate their feelings about life and death. The book explains death and its significance to your child in ways that she or he understands. The book begins with Nature and the importance of all living and dying things to Nature. Then the book states that everything must die. It tells different things that die to which a child can relate. Next, the author tells a child what a death is and isn’t; how people can die. The author discusses different aspects of funerals, as well as, the important fact that may be difficult for your child to understand—death cannot be IGNORED! However, you can help them. The book helps your child clarify feelings. It tells them that it’s OK to be mad or sad, but they should not feel guilty. They could not have saved the loved one who died. Finally, the book tells your child that they are not alone, and that their love for their loved one who died and everyone around them will last forever.

This book is appropriate for any child, age 6-13, who has lost a relative, friend, or a pet. Since it is a bit difficult for a young child to read on their own, a parent or another adult should read it with them. However, it is an excellent look at several different aspects of death, and the child will benefit from what Jim Boulden says in the book. It takes between 1 to 2 hours to read the book and then fill in the answers and make the drawings.

Saying Good-bye to Grandma

by Jane Resh Thomas

$13.95 in hardcover

Clarion Books

52 Vanderbilt Avenue, New York, NY 10017

1988, ISBN 0-89919-645-4

This is a story about a small girl whose grandmother has just died. The story takes you through the trip to her grandmother’s house, the wake, the funeral, the burial, and the trip back home. The girl expresses many feelings and question that may be similar to other children’s. You see how her grandpa recovers -- from not eating and crying, to cooking their last breakfast for the family before they return home. It shows that people will be sad, but they can recover. This is a moving book with beautiful illustrations.

The book is appropriate for children, ages seven to 13, who have had a member of their family die, especially if the person is not in their immediate family. It takes about 15 minutes to read. A parent or another adult who is close to the child should read the book to them.

Straight Talk about Death for Teenagers: How to Cope with Losing Someone You Love

by Earl A. Grollman

$8.95

Beacon Press

25 Beacon Street, Boston, MA 02108-2892

1993, ISBN 0-8070-2501-1 (Paperback.)

This is a book for teenagers who have a friend or loved one who has died. The book tells the teenager what are normal reactions to the shock of death, and how grief can affect the teen’s relationships with family, friends, and classmates. There is a section that helps to deal with a funeral. Also the book helps teenagers work through their grief and begin to live again. There is a journal section so they can record their memories of the person who died, their feelings about the loss and their hopes for the future. Most of all, the book assures the teenager that in time, they will feel okay again.

This book is appropriate who all teenagers who are grieving the loss of a friend or loved one who has died. There is a section for the teenager to journal their feelings. This is a book to help explain the loss of someone they love. The book takes about two hours to read.

When Someone Very Special Dies: Children Can Learn to Cope with Grief

by Marge Heegaard

$7.00 in paperback

Kerry Harwood, Phone: 919-681-5288

1991, ISBN 0-9620502-0-2

This is a workbook for children who have suffered the death of a loved one. It asks the child to illustrate feelings, to remember the loved one that died and to reflect upon themselves. Change is the primary theme -- through change comes loss which in this case signifies death. Loss causes grief much like a wave; sometimes it is great and sometimes it is not. The book discusses different causes of death and funerals to help your child understand why these things are happening. This book lists ways for your child to let out their anger in a positive and safe way! Most importantly, this book helps your child to communicate his or her feelings through the exercises. It tells them that they can still have fun and be happy after the death of a loved one.

This book is appropriate for children, ages six to 10, who have a loved one that has died. A parent or another adult close to the child should introduce the book to the child. The adult should help the child select pages appropriate for them at the time and then discuss with them their drawings of their feelings.

Where’s Jess?

by Joy and Marv Johnson

Centering Corporation

1531 N. Saddle Creek Road, Omaha, NE 68104

1982, Revision 1992, ISBN 1-56123-009-X

This is a story about a young girl who has lost her little sister, Jess. She does not understand what dead means, but she figures it out through a series of questions that she asks her parents. She talks about remembering Jess; how it’s OK to cry when her family talks about her. She realizes that crying can make them feel better. Also, she figures out that nothing she said or did caused Jess to die. She is OK!

This book is appropriate for very small children, ages four to eight, who have experienced a death in the family -- not just the death of a sibling. The book takes about three to five minutes to read. New readers will find it easy to read and understand. However, a parent or another adult should read the book with the child so that the child can then discuss and share his feelings.